The Gravel in Your Guts
by Spike Speigel1
Summary: Castle's past comes back in the worst way.  Luckily, Beckett won't let him face it alone.  Sequel to The Continuing Day by Day.  Part 3 now up.
1. Chapter 1

Title: The Gravel in Your Guts

Author: Spike Speigel

Rating: R

Classification: Castle/Beckett

Disclaimer: My fourth Castle fanfic. As usual, these characters don't belong to me. I'm just taking them for a joyride.

Spoilers: Everything up to and including Knockout is fair game. Also, you don't have to read The Continuing Day by Day or Love Let Her, but these do occur prior to events in this fic.

Summary: Castle's past comes back in the worst way. Luckily, Beckett won't let him face it alone.

Author's Note: This is my love letter to Jason Aaron and R. M. Guera. Also, my affinity to the Old West and Native American history.

* * *

><p>She can feel the rigidness of the bark digging into her back as she tries to push herself up against the large juniper tree behind her. However, her legs won't move. Her arms are barely paying attention to her as it is, her right hand pressing against the bullet wound in her gut. It's her liver, she thinks to herself. She's been shot in the liver. That explains the consistency of the fluid seeping through her fingers. Sticky yet viscous all at the same time.<p>

There's bile in her blood.

She coughs, even though she doesn't have a cold. Is this what the body does when it knows it doesn't have long for this world? Does it try to scream out to the world in whatever way it can? Even through the simple act of coughing? She coughs once more, her other hand pushing against the dirt beneath her as she tries to get up once more.

Unfortunately for her, she finds that her body still isn't listening to her. Bark against her back. Bile in her blood. And now dirt in her hand. It's as though the world is conspiring against her. Calling her home.

She slumps against the juniper, her breathing becoming ragged as she turns her gaze from the wound in her gut, looking up at the person that put it there in the first place.

"You…you didn't have to…do this…"

She can feel the strength leaving her body, leaving with her blood. She can no longer hold her gaze with the person standing in front of her, her neck lolling back against the towering tree behind her. She blinks the tears away from her eyes, feeling them stream down the sides of her face as the stars come into view. And, for some reason, she finds it sad that it's a new moon. Because she knows that she'll never see the moon again after tonight.

But she will have the stars. She takes solace in that fact as she blinks once more, her vision coming into focus on the celestial bodies above her.

"You didn't…you didn't…"

She can hear leaves crumbling underneath footfalls. And heavy breathing. She tries to move her head, but it doesn't respond to her command, just like the rest of her body. So she looks at the stars as the footfalls get closer. She wonders if any of the stars in the sky are actually alive. Or are they all dead, their light just reaching her at this precise moment.

What an odd thing to think about, she muses as the voice pulls her from the thought.

"Close your eyes, Carol. You shouldn't see what comes next."

And finally, Carol Two Trees' body obeys her. Because she closes her eyes, not wanting to see what comes next. Unfortunately, she can feel the blade against the hairline of her scalp as she whispers her final prayer to the heavens.

* * *

><p>"You're staring again."<p>

"Mmm. What's that?"

Beckett tries to hide her smile, but Castle's fingers gently tracing the swell of her breast makes the task difficult, to say the least. "They're just breasts, Castle."

Castle props himself up on his elbow, his gaze moving from his hand to Beckett's face, catching the smile that disappears from the side of her lip. "Yes, but these are special."

Beckett chuckles softly, the smile finally emerging on her lips as she speaks. "Oh. And how's that?"

His voice doesn't waver as he answers her question. "Because these are the breasts of Detective Katherine Beckett."

She prays that he doesn't see her blush, rolling her eyes at him as his fingers move slowly between the cleavage of her breasts before moving onto the other one. "I'll never understand men's fascination with them."

Castle's head jerks up from his current position, looking out into the distance, as though he's just remembered something. "We've had this conversation before."

Beckett looks at him for a moment, staring out into the darkness of her bedroom, before realizing that he's right. Three years ago, they had a similar conversation. However, three years ago, he was looking at some blonde's breasts when she asked him about men's fascination with breasts. But in the here and now, Castle was treating hers as though they were the most sacred things on the face of the earth.

Her hand reaches up to him, cupping the side of his face as she speaks. "Speaking of conversations, what about this?" Her hand brushes against his beard, the one he's had since coming back from Dubai. "Is this going to be a regular thing now?"

Beckett's hand turns Castle's gaze back toward hers, a grin forming at the corner of his mouth as her hand continues to graze against the short stubble.

"You don't like it?"

"I didn't say that…"

Castle cuts her off, his face turning in her palm just enough for his lips to press a kiss against the heel. "You hate it, don't you?"

"It's just…" Her hand moves from his face, her fingers threading his hair as she continues. Her voice is quiet. Almost embarrassed, one could say. "It's just…it tickles a little bit when I kiss you." Castle smiles at her honesty, as well as her shyness. He's never seen Beckett like this, and decides that this is a Beckett he'd like to see more of. But, before he can think about shy Beckett, a thought crosses his mind, his subtle grin now a full blown smirk. Beckett catches the gleam in his eye, her voice worrisome yet curious. "What?"

"Ticklish. Really?" Before Beckett realizes what's happening, Castle leans over her quickly so that the side of his face comes into contact with hers. His hands move from his side as he holds her arms before he begins to rub his beard against her cheek.

Beckett begins to lose herself in her laughter as Castle continues his childish ministrations. "Stop…stop…I can't…breathe…"

Castle finally relents, pulling his face away from hers until he's hovering above her, mere inches away from her. Her laughter begins to subside as he smiles at her. He's never heard Beckett laugh like that before. It's a welcome sound. "So, what was that about the beard now?"

Beckett returns Castle's smile as she answers. "You're a jerk. You know that?"

"Yeah. But you love it."

Her response is sincere as she arches her neck up toward him. "I do." Castle ponders her words for a moment, his eyes locking on hers, the sincerity in them evident. She bites her bottom lip before speaking once more. "So, do you think you're ready for another go round?"

Castle leans down, his lips pressing gently against hers before pulling away to respond. "Even with the beard?"

Beckett smirks at him, leaning up to capture his lower lip between her teeth. They share a brief kiss before Beckett answers. "Even with the beard." Castle begins to lean toward Beckett, his lips grazing hers, but the shrill tone of his cell phone breaks the silence. He turns his head toward the nightstand before returning his gaze back to the woman currently under him, wondering if he should answer it. After all, it was well past most people's bedtimes. Fortunately, Beckett gives him his answer. "Go ahead. It might be important."

He leans down, placing a small kiss on her forehead before rolling over to the side of the bed. He can feel Beckett's hand on the small of his back, gently caressing him as he looks at the screen of his phone. Castle frowns slightly upon seeing the name before accepting the call.

"Gina. It's almost one in the morning. What's wrong?" Beckett can only see Castle's back from her position on the bed, but judging from the way his muscles begin to tense, she can tell that he's not comfortable talking with his ex-wife. "I didn't pick up at home because I'm not at home." She can barely hear Gina over the receiver, but Beckett can tell by the tone that she's not pleased to make the call. "Why does it matter where I am? The last time I checked, you were my publisher and my ex-wife, so my whereabouts shouldn't be any of your concern." She hears Castle sigh in frustration and frowns slightly at the predicament. Beckett wraps the sheets around her body before sliding up behind Castle, her arms snaking around his waist as she leans against his back. She can see him smile at her touch before he continues with Gina. "I'm at a friend's house." Castle shakes his head upon hearing Gina's words, finally relenting under the cavalcade of questions. "I'm with Kate. Happy now?" Castle pulls the phone away from his ear, holding it close to Beckett as he continues. "Say hi to my ex-wife, Kate."

Beckett hesitates for a moment, giving Castle a slightly embarrassed look, as though she's just been caught doing something she shouldn't have been. "Um. Hi."

Castle moves the phone back to his ear as Beckett buries her face into his shoulder, still trying to work out in her mind that this was actually happening. "So now that we've established my current location, can you tell me what this call is about? Because I don't owe you another book for a while." Beckett pulls her face away from Castle's shoulder, her gaze falling upon the side of his face when she sees his expression change upon hearing Gina's next words. "Carol Two Trees? I don't know…Ellroy?" The way Castle's voice drops in timbre tells Beckett everything she needs to know. There are only a few reasons someone gets a call this early. And right now, Beckett's mind was going to the reason that was associated with her profession. "Yeah. Give me the number." Castle reaches for the notepad on the nightstand, the pencil previously resting on top of it now in his right hand as he holds the phone against his shoulder with his head. He quickly scribbles down a phone number before placing the pad and pencil back on the nightstand. "Okay. Thanks, Gina. Good night."

There's a brief moment when Castle just sits at the edge of the bed, the phone cradled against his shoulder, before he moves once more. The phone falls into his still injured left hand as he lifts his head. As Castle turns the phone over in his hand, Beckett finally breaks the silence, concern in her voice evident as she does so.

"Everything okay?"

Castle stirs from his thoughts upon hearing Beckett's voice, looking over his shoulder at her as he responds to her query. "Uh, no. No." Castle leans over to the nightstand once more, placing his cell phone on top of the notepad, before he continues. "A friend of mine was murdered. Her mother's been trying to reach me to invite me to the funeral."

Beckett hates being right about the nature of the call. Nevertheless, she squeezes the man in her arms, offering him consolation. "I'm so sorry, Rick."

Castle reaches behind him, his hand squeezing Beckett's forearm as he responds. "Yeah. Me too."

_**Continued**_


	2. Chapter 2

Title: The Gravel in Your Guts

Author: Spike Speigel

Rating: R

Classification: Castle/Beckett

Disclaimer: My fourth Castle fanfic. As usual, these characters don't belong to me. I'm just taking them for a joyride.

Spoilers: Everything up to and including Knockout is fair game. Also, you don't have to read The Continuing Day by Day or Love Let Her, but these do occur prior to events in this fic.

Summary: Castle's past comes back in the worst way. Luckily, Beckett won't let him face it alone.

Author's Note: I've had this scene knocking around in my head ever since I saw Knockdown. It has to be coming eventually if Alexis is the person I think she is.

* * *

><p>Even though she can still feel the strain on the muscles surrounding her bullet wound as they continue to knit back together, Beckett feels as though the strain on her chest is lessening each and every day. Beckett would have to buy Lanie something special to thank her for giving up her personal time to help her with her physical rehabilitation. Maybe that red strapless dress that Lanie's had her eye on for weeks ever since they stopped off at Zara after one of their sessions. And, impossible as it was to believe, she had actually lost a few pounds, even though she was still on medical leave.<p>

Usually, it worked the other way. You took that time to recover from your injuries, but the sedentary lifestyle in between PT sessions usually meant gaining a pound or five. But, then again, her lifestyle had been anything but sedentary once Castle had returned from Dubai. The soreness in her legs was confirmation enough of that fact. And while she still didn't know why Castle had gone to Dubai, she had enough of the pieces.

He had essentially put the bullseye on his back, effectively moving it from hers, so she could have one chance at catching the monster that took her mother away from her. At first, she was furious at him for what he did. But when she realized that Castle was truly with her until the very end, she also realized that he was the person that she had been looking for to fill that hole in her life. The hole she kept vacant for so many years by pushing away anyone that showed an inkling of interest in her well-being. That was, until she met Castle.

At first, he was just a writer whose books helped her to cope with her mother's death. But when she met him, he wasn't like the person she imagined him to be. Instead, he was arrogant, self-serving, and pretentious. She hated him the first moment she met him.

But then she started spending time with him, and slowly, she started to see the Rick Castle her mind had made him up to be when she started reading his books. He was a father. A son. A partner. A friend. Her friend.

And now they were more than friends. It had taken three years to get to this point, but Beckett felt confident that she was ready to take this next step with Castle. Yes, there was still the matter of his past relationships. He was twice divorced, and there had to be a reason for that. Possibly a future conversation for the both of them, but right now everything felt right.

Castle had already seen the best and the worst of her, and he never wavered in his loyalty to her. He was still by her side, even after she'd tried to push him away when he told her to give up on her mother's murder. But when he finally realized that would never be an option to her, he did the impossible by giving her another option.

His life for hers.

But Castle was right. It might be days. It might be years before they got any new leads regarding the identity of her mother's killer. So in the interim, Beckett was determined to see if she and Castle could work. He surprised her once by being the best partner she'd ever had. Best lover? That one was still up in the air, because Castle was very protective of her during their lovemaking, always asking her if he was hurting her or if she needed to stop. Beckett was counting the days until the end of her therapy sessions with Lanie, so she could finally tell Castle that she was okay, and he could finally show her how much he truly loved her.

Beckett smiles at the thought as she turned the corner into the hallway of her apartment. However, her smile drops slightly when she sees the person waiting in front of her door, a sense of concern beginning to overcome her.

"Alexis?"

Beckett can't quite make out the look on Alexis's face as she pushes herself up against the wall, scrambling to her feet as Beckett makes her way over to her. "Hi." Alexis's gaze moves to the gym bag that Beckett is gripping tightly by the strap, pausing for a moment before continuing. "I'm sorry. I'm catching you at a bad time. I can come back later."

"Don't be silly. I always have time for you." Beckett steps past Alexis, fishing her keys out of the gym bag before sliding the key into the door. She turns the key, the tumbler sliding away as Beckett opens the door to her apartment. "Please, come in." Alexis nods at Beckett, giving her a brief smile as she walks past Beckett into the loft. Beckett closes the door behind her, placing her bag in the side closet before following Alexis into the living room. She notices that Alexis is still standing as she makes her way into the living room. "So, what's up?"

Alexis folds her arms about her chest, her brow furrowed as though she's contemplating Beckett's question. However, after a moment, Alexis finally gives her an answer. "Dad didn't come home again last night."

Beckett considers the younger Castle's words before responding. "I'm sorry, Alexis. I thought he told you that he was going to spend the night."

"He did."

Her response puts Beckett on the defensive. If Castle had told his family that he was spending the night with her, then why was Alexis here? "I'm sorry. I don't understand…"

"Look. I get it. Dad's been in love with you for like ever, and now that he's with you, he doesn't want to waste any more time." Beckett smiles at the fact that even Alexis knew about her father's feelings for her, well before she did. "But that love's going to get him killed."

Needless to say, the sudden shift in conversation has garnered Beckett's full attention now. "Alexis, I think you're being a little dramatic here."

"He threw himself in front of that bullet." Beckett's mouth opens slightly to retort, but Alexis doesn't give her a chance to interrupt. "And I know whatever happened to his hand was because of you. He won't tell me, but I can tell by the way he looks at you, you're the reason his hand is broken."

"Alexis…"

"You're a cop, Kate. You're used to the inherent danger that comes with that, but my father's an author. He's not supposed to be in the middle of gunfights. He's not supposed to be on stakeouts at three in the morning. He's supposed to be at home with his family, sitting in front of his laptop and writing. Because that's the person my dad is."

Beckett finally realizes what was on Alexis's face when she first saw her in the hallway, still coming to terms with the realization. Alexis is angry with her. "I wouldn't have your dad follow me around if there was any chance that he could get hurt." Beckett's voice becomes soft as she looks at Alexis. "I'd never let anything bad happen to him."

Alexis chuckles slightly, making Beckett slightly uncomfortable upon hearing it. "But don't you see. That's the problem right there." Alexis looks down at her feet before returning her gaze to a puzzled Beckett. "How can you promise me that, when you couldn't even protect yourself?" Both women remain silent, Alexis's concerns finally sinking in for Beckett before Alexis breaks the silence. "I know you care about my dad."

Beckett doesn't hesitate with her words. "I do. Very much."

"But you have to realize that the closer you two get, the more he's going to want to protect you. And, maybe the next time someone takes a shot at you, that's the time Dad gets there in time." Alexis walks toward Beckett, standing next to her, but facing the door as she speaks. "I like you, Kate. That's the only reason I'm here. Because I know whatever you and my dad have, it's not like what he's had with other women. I've never seen him like this before. And that scares me, because I know it's only a matter of time before he does something stupid to keep you safe."

Beckett's gaze is now on the floor in front of her, knowing that Alexis's words, although painful to hear, are absolutely necessary. "What do you want me to do?"

"I'm happy that you and my dad are together. I really am, Kate." Alexis takes a deep breath, as though she's steadying her nerves for what has to come next. "But he can't be a part of your professional world. Not anymore. And if you care about him as much as I think you do, you'll know that I'm right." Alexis continues toward the front door, leaving Beckett standing in the living room. And when Beckett hears the door open and close behind her, she takes a deep breath before exhaling sharply.

Because she knows that Alexis might be right.

_**Continued**_


	3. Chapter 3

Title: The Gravel in Your Guts (3/?)

Author: Spike Speigel

Rating: R

Classification: Castle/Beckett

Disclaimer: My fourth Castle fanfic. As usual, these characters don't belong to me. I'm just taking them for a joyride.

Spoilers: Everything up to and including Knockout is fair game. Also, you don't have to read The Continuing Day by Day or Love Let Her, but these do occur prior to events in this fic.

Summary: Castle's past comes back in the worst way. Luckily, Beckett won't let him face it alone.

Author's Note: Still setting up the plot, but I'm pleased at the Caskett in this chapter since Castle and Beckett are in couple mode. I thought I made it tasteful without neglecting the fact that this is clearly a time of mourning for Castle.

* * *

><p>"Kate!"<p>

Martha's practically on her before Beckett knows what's happening. The women stand in the doorway to Castle's loft, Martha hugging Beckett tightly, Beckett wincing slightly at the pressure being applied to her still healing wound.

"Martha, I'm sorry. But would you mind?"

Beckett's eyes dart to her chest, Martha taking a moment to realize what Beckett's trying to tell her. Fortunately for Beckett, Martha eventually puts the pieces together before loosening her vice-like grip on Beckett. "Sorry, darling. I was so glad to see you that it completely slipped my mind that you were still recovering."

"It's okay." Beckett looks over Martha's shoulder, hoping to see and not see Castle and Alexis in that order. Her gaze moves back to Martha as she decides to survey the current situation. "Where's Alexis?"

Martha walks back into the living room, Beckett following a few steps behind, closing the door behind her as she answers Beckett's query. "Visiting Ashley. Summer term is over, so those two are spending as much time as possible before he has to go back to Stanford."

"Oh." Beckett chides herself silently for being relieved at the news that Alexis isn't there. However, she knows that she'll have to talk to Castle eventually about their working relationship when she's physically cleared to go back to work. But in the meantime, she's just happy to be in the moment. "And Rick?"

Martha catches the use of her son's first name, grinning slightly as she responds. "Richard is in his study. He's trying to make arrangements to get out to the funeral today."

"He told you." Martha nods as she picks up her coat hanging on the sofa. Beckett knows she shouldn't, but the curiosity about Castle's friend gets the better of her. "So, do you know anything about this friend? Because Castle wouldn't tell me when he left this morning."

Martha notes the change in Beckett's tone, as well as the fact that she uses her son's last name. There was a tell, if ever there was one, Martha thinks to herself. She'd have to remember that the next time Castle got the group together for poker. "I know they were close. She was there for Richard after Kyra left for London. That's all I really know. Sorry."

"No, it's okay." Another woman? Beckett knew about Kyra, and the ex-wives. But was there someone else in between? After all, there was a lull in Castle's published novels after Kyra left him. She'd have to ask him when the moment presented itself. "I'm just worried about him. He seemed so…" Beckett feels the word on the tip of her tongue, but it seems so odd to use it to describe Castle. "Depressed."

Martha nods as she slips into her coat. "Well, dear. His friend is dead."

"I know. But this feels different."

Martha squeezes Beckett's arm before responding. "Well, you could always ask him what's wrong. That's what normal people do when they're in a relationship." Beckett smirks at Martha's use of the word relationship. She was actually in a relationship with Richard Castle. Would wonders never cease? "Also…" Martha moves closer to Beckett, her mouth mere inches from her ear. "You're more than welcome to spend the night here. The walls are very think, if you get my drift."

Beckett's voice matches Martha's whisper, her surprise evident in her tone upon hearing Martha's suggestion. "Martha!"

"Oh, shush. We're all grown-ups here." Martha's eyes dart to the ceiling, her eyes narrow slits as she reconsiders her words. "Well, maybe not Alexis. But she is more mature than Richard. That's got to count for something."

"I'll, uh, take it under advisement."

"I hope so, Kate. It's been a long time since Richard's been this happy."

Beckett's voice softens, her reply honest in its tone. "Yeah, me too."

Martha squeezes Beckett's arm once more before walking back toward the front door. "Well, I'll leave you to it. I'm off to talk to my sculptor."

Beckett turns her body slightly, looking over her shoulder as Martha opens the door. "Sculptor?"

Martha turns back, her hand on the doorknob. "Yes. I'm about to give him a piece of my mind. I commissioned a bust to be made in Chet's likeness, but it looks more like Ricardo Montalban than my darling Chet." Martha sighs softly before continuing. "The school's about ready to open, and the last thing I need is people thinking that the person responsible for the school is the same person that ran Fantasy Island."

"Or killed Kirk's son." Martha gives Beckett a blank look, leading Beckett to expound on her statement. "Star Trek II? The Wrath of Khan?"

Martha rolls her eyes as she speaks. "It's like I'm talking to Richard. Goodbye, dear."

Beckett can't help but grin as Martha closes the door behind her.

* * *

><p>Beckett can see Castle sitting on the edge of his desk, his back to her as she walks into his study. She remains silent as she makes her way into the room, listening intently to his conversation on the phone.<p>

"There's nothing closer to Seneca Falls than Syracuse?" Castle looks over his shoulder when he feels the hand on his arm to see Beckett gracing him with a small smile. He returns the smile, sliding over a bit to allow Beckett to sit next to him as he continues his discussion with the person on the other side of the phone. "And the soonest is tomorrow morning out of JFK? Yes. That's fine." Beckett can hear the sullenness in his words as she leans her body against his. "Yes, I'll need a rental car. How long? I guess a week." The timeline garners Beckett's attention as she sits up, looking intently at Castle as he continues to book his flight. "Yes, I'll hold."

Castle presses the button to put the speaker on as he rests it at his side, turning to Beckett once more. "Hey. I didn't hear you come in."

"Martha let me in." Castle nods as he looks down at the phone, even though it's still emitting a cover version of Harry Connick Jr's It Had to Be You. And a particularly terrible one at that. "A week? "

"Yeah. I was going to see if I could help with the investigation."

Beckett sighs, realizing the scope of Castle's words. "Rick, I know she was your friend." Her hand finds its way over his as she continues. "But you're not a cop."

"I know I'm not." Castle's head hangs slightly upon hearing Beckett's words. "But I've helped you. I don't know. I thought that, maybe, I could help whoever's in charge of Carol's murder up there."

Beckett wants to hug him tightly when she hears his words, but decides to restrain herself. Instead, she squeezes his hand as she speaks. "You've helped me more than you know." Castle manages a small smile, but Beckett can see that his friend's death has visibly shaken him. After a moment of silence, other than the Louisiana inspired music filling the room, Beckett finally speaks. "I'm still on medical leave. And, if you're serious about looking into your friend's death, maybe having a cop at your side might open a few doors for you."

Castle shakes his head, his eyes moving to Beckett's chest, lingering there for a moment. Fortunately, Beckett knows that he's not thinking about what type of brassiere she's currently wearing. Instead, she knows that he's thinking about the bullet wound that, even during their lovemaking, he can't help but kiss, as though he's trying to take the pain away. "I can't. What about your physical therapy?"

"I'm pretty much all the way back. There's still some pain, but nothing that my meds can't take care of for a week." Her fingers lift his gaze back to hers so he can see the determination in her eyes. "Please. Let me help you."

Castle's gaze fixes with Beckett's, both looking intently at the other before Castle finally relents. "Okay." Castle's forehead finds respite against Beckett's, his voice a whisper. "Okay. Thank you."

Her voice matches his tone as she responds. "Always." From her position, she can see his lips turn up at the corners of his mouth. This was their word now. Now and forever.

"Hello, Mr. Castle?"

The voice on the other end of the phone stirs Castle and Beckett from their intimate moment, Beckett pulling away from Castle as both share a brief glance before Castle returns to the phone. He holds it between himself and Beckett, answering the woman's question.

"Yes, I'm still here."

"Okay. I've got your flight booked for tomorrow. When you reach Syracuse, there will be a rental car waiting for you. Again, I apologize about not being able to book a hotel room for you, but we currently have no listings for hotels in the Seneca Falls area."

Castle nods, satisfied with the travel agent's expediency. "That's fine. And I can print my ticket out as soon as we're done here?"

"Yes, sir. Is there anything else I can help you with today?"

"Actually, there is." Castle looks at Beckett as he continues. "Could you change the reservation for two adults instead of one?"

* * *

><p>It takes them almost an hour from Syracuse to get to the motel. And during the entire trip, Castle had remained quiet as he drove through I-90, keeping his eyes on the road while looking for the exit. She had tried to talk to him during the flight, but he seemed preoccupied. Even though Castle was sitting next to her, he felt like he was a million miles away. She tried again during the drive to Seneca Falls, but Castle still remained reserved, uttering a yes or a no whenever applicable to her questions.<p>

So she left it alone. Beckett knew he wasn't trying to ignore her. This was just his way of processing. Most people wear their emotions on their sleeve, but it had taken her three years to figure out Castle. While he seemed flamboyant and outgoing to the person on the street, Beckett knew better. Castle hid his true self away from the rest of the world. She had caught glimpses every once in a while, one of the more recent glimpses occurring after Jerry Tyson left him alive before disappearing to parts unknown. She had asked Castle one simple question. Why had Tyson left him alive? Beckett would never forget Castle's voice when he replied, "To punish me."

And in that moment of raw honesty, Beckett finally realized the type of man Castle really was. He was a man filled with guilt. It had taken her months before she realized that his guilt was entwined with her mother's murder. Castle felt guilty that Coonan died before he had a chance to tell Beckett who had hired him to kill her mother. Later, that guilt would be compounded with the death of Roy Montgomery and Beckett's subsequent shooting.

And now there was this. It had barely been a month since Beckett decided to move her relationship with Castle to the next level. And her time with him had been extraordinary. They still acted like they usually did around one another, their friendly banter still as invigorating as it had been this past year. The only difference now was when they came home, they did so together. They made love until they couldn't move anymore. And when they could muster the strength to move once more, they found themselves in each other's arms, desperately yearning to show the other just how much the other truly meant. It was almost as if they were making up for lost time.

However, it was never just sex between them. Even though there were times Beckett had wished that Castle would be a little more assertive, she realized that he was still treating her as fragile. And rightfully so, since she was still on medical leave. Most of the physical damage was gone, and whatever mental ones were being treated by her mandatory psych visits. But it was her time with Castle that truly made her feel like herself again.

But now there was this.

When they got to the motel, he had taken her bag as well as his own, even though she told him that she more than capable of shouldering the weight. So, when his response was that her boyfriend had everything well in hand, she couldn't help but smile. Richard Castle was her boyfriend. He had been many things to her over the past few years, but boyfriend was something she had never really thought about until she placed the cards on the table when Castle asked her to give up on her mother's murder.

She defiantly asked him what they were to one another. And while he was honest, he was still unsure as to the nature of their relationship. Yes, he didn't want any harm to come to her, but he also didn't know what they were even though they had kissed and almost died frozen in each other's arms. It wasn't until the cemetery that Castle finally realized what she really meant to him. Likewise, it wasn't until after his trip to Dubai that Beckett realized what Castle truly meant to her. And that was the reason why she was currently in a less than hospitable motel room near the border of Prairie Rose, the reservation where Carol Two Trees' life had come to an abrupt end.

So Beckett stood in front of the bed, her suitcase splayed open while she began to unpack her clothes for the funeral later this evening. However, during her unpacking, she could hear Castle in the bathroom struggling with something. Curiosity getting the better of her, she lays her shirt on the bed before moving to the bathroom door. He had left the door slightly ajar, so when she peers in through the narrow slit, she can see Castle with a pair of scissors in his injured hand, grimacing every time he trimmed off a bit of his beard.

When she pushes the door open, her gaze locks with his in the mirror as she moves toward him, Castle frowning slightly as he brings the scissors back to the side of his face. "I just wanted to look more presentable, but my hand doesn't want to cooperate with me."

Beckett places her hands against his bare shoulders, only a towel around his waist separating the two. She gently turns him around in her arms before holding out her hand, palm up, to him. "Here. Let me."

Castle is about to tell her that he's more than capable of shaving his own face, but the look in her eyes tells him everything. She's here to help, for better or for worse. He nods slightly, their hands grazing as he places the scissors in her hand. They look at each other for a brief moment before Beckett's fingers gently grab the tip of his chin, tilting his head to the side so she can begin trimming the beard to a short enough length for a razor.

He closes his eyes, focusing on the sensation of her fingers on his chin as the sound of the scissors opening and closing as it cuts through his facial hair. Castle can hear Beckett breathing in the spaces between the sound of the scissors. It's a relatively new sound for him. The only time he hears it is when she's next to him, usually on her couch or in her bed after their lovemaking. This is the first time he's heard it in this context.

Castle feels the pressure on his chin and tilts his head to the other side, allowing Beckett to continue her ministrations. After a few minutes, he hears the metallic scissors resonate against the porcelain of the sink behind him. When he opens his eyes, he's greeted by Beckett with his can of shaving cream in her hand.

"Thanks. I think I can manage from here."

However, Beckett doesn't respond to his appreciation. Instead, she sprays a small dollop of shaving cream in her hand before lathering the gel in between her palms. Her hands move to either side of his face, moving against his short stubble as the soothing cream covers the pertinent areas. Castle continues to lean against the bathroom sink, tentatively looking at the woman in front of him as she picks up his razor. Beckett runs it under the hot water for a moment before lifting it up to the right side of his face. However, this time, Castle tilts his head to the side without any indication from Beckett and closes his eyes once more.

And once more he focuses on the sound of Beckett's breathing as she moves the blade methodically about his face. He can feel her fingers on the smooth side of his face as she begins to work on his upper lip, eventually moving down to his chin before moving the warm blade down the left side of his face. The faucet runs for one final time as Beckett washes off the remnants of Castle's beard mixed with the shaving foam. When he hears the razor hit the sink, he opens his eyes to a gently smiling Beckett.

Her hand moves along the side of his face, Castle feeling her fingers linger momentarily before she presses her hand against his chest. "There you are."

Castle returns her smile, turning around to see himself in the mirror. "Here I am." His eyes linger on a face he hasn't seen in well over a month. Unfortunately, the smile wanes from Castle's lips as his eyes drop from the mirror, now focusing on the sink in front of him. He can feel Beckett's lips against the top of his shoulder before she speaks.

"Go ahead and shower. I'll get my clothes ready for the funeral in the mean time."

"Okay."

Castle can hear the door shut behind him, Beckett rifling through her suitcase once more for an outfit for the funeral. However, it takes Castle a moment to step away from the sink. Instead, he continues to look down at the sink, unsure of what to do next.

_**Continued**_


End file.
